It’s Scott Boras’s World, We’re Just Living In It

I firmly believe that the world of Major League Baseball revolves around Scott Boras. The agent has plundered the salaries of every team. In fact I do not consider you to be a professional baseball team until Mr. Boras of the Scott Boras Corporation has reamed you in the offseason.

The latest example of the man and the money is this whole Mark Teixeira soap opera. I though he was going to end staying with the Angels last week, but apparently at $160 million over eight years, they were too cheap to win his services. No, the winner, after the Boston Red Sox lobbied for the first baseman and after the Washington Nationals were rumored to try and join the living in the MLB season by signing the man with most frustrated last name in baseball, is the New York Yankees.

Boras has made the Yankees, who I could have sworn were trying to save at least a little money, the proud owners of a first baseman who will probably deliver a few .300, 30 home runs, 100 RBI seasons.

How could I have been so blind as to not see the best and most expensive prize this free agent season playing in New York? After Johnny Damon left the Yankees were bound to sign another Boras special to keep the league minimum of two grossly over paid players. I know ARod and Teixeireirira are good and all, but over $ 20 million a year good?

I do not see this signing or the C.C. Sabathia signing turning the Yankees into World Series champions. I still think the Boston Red Sox will confound the Bronx Bombers for the next few season.

I feel bad for the Angels. They were the prettiest girl at the ball last season, but have been used and abused like Britney Spears after just a single season with the best rotation in baseball. Perhaps the team will comeback with its own Circus tour, but the loss of a good bat from the left side of the batters box will not help the cause after they easily win the American League West, aka the Angels and the Three Stooges.

Maybe if they simply submitted to Boras all powerful will, the season would look a whole lot better.

Britney Spears Already Working to Sell Tickets for the Circus

I was just reading a review of the recent extremely orchestrated introspective documentary “Britney: For the Record” after catching it on Sunday and was happy to know I was not the only one who came away with the same impression. There were many typically pivotal moments, including the juxtaposition of the I-do-not-know-why-people-complain-about-being-a-celebrity bit that told the audience that she is not spoiled with the I-am-going-to-complain-errr-explain-why-it-is-so-hard-to-be-a-celebrity bit that confirmed she is.

I do not understand why people feel that if they qualify that they understand something is wrong that they then can go and say or do the exact thing they were condemning. Is not that the exact thing that makes sociopaths so dangerous, that inability to truly moralize their actions? Is Britney, then, a pop sociopath? Is Madonna the queen pop sociopath? The answer is, of course, yes.

There several other wonderful moments. She said that after KFed and her split she let bad people into her life. Wait a minute…worse than KFed? Worse than a white go with dreds?

This was truly just a ploy to launch her new album Circus and her new tour, called The Circus: Starring Britney Spears.

The aptly named album, meant to describe her life and announce her return to the touring stage after four years of calamity, is actually a pretty genius, though tried, move. The cool of the cool know how to own embarrassment. Like Adam Sandler in Billy Madison wetting himself to save a friend from public shame (“Yes. You ain’t cool, unless you pee your pants”), Britney Spears is taking that shame and spinning it into something positive for her.

You cannot truly judge Britney Spears as a sympathetic character or a mother of two. She is a pop star, judging her by her actions would be like judging her by her music. The power of the pop star is in the show. They are like actors, only some people think that their album cover is a true representation of the performer.

There is no shame in suspending belief and finding her entertaining. People do it for movies and television. If you like the alternative reality for a few hours, then by all means enjoy it when the tour starts in March…I just ask that you do not think that any of it is real.